Is that right?
Somehow I disagree with that.
Recently, I was being advised that if I want to receive love, I need to break 'the wall' and have more patience.
You know what! 'The wall' that I've built around me is for a reason. Only people who care enough for me will break the 'wall' down. Otherwise, they're just a passerby that don't mean nothing to me. They don't stand out from the crowd.
Everyone have a plan for everything. The 'wall' that I've built is to filter out those people that just want to use me to kill their time and not being truthful and sincere being around me.
I'm allergy to fakers! If my 'fake radar' detected that you are one, I'll avoid you at all cost. Wouldn't want to get near you.
I don't live my life faking happiness. When I'm being nice to someone, that's legit what I feel about that person at that very moment.
I'll rather be friend with just 1 person or none than having lots of friends and when things happened, they are no where to be seen. Disappear in thin air, no where to be found. Or worse, they talked behind my back how unfortunate I was and add 'salt & pepper' just to spice up the story.
Two days ago, I slipped, missed the floor mat and fell after shower. I was in excruciating pain but there's nothing much that I can do other than shout out loud. Me shouting is not because I needed help or anything. It's just a way of me releasing the pain that I was feeling.
My dad came quickly to help me but I stopped him and asked him to continue with whatever he was doing. I just need time to recover.
That's how I am, always like to do things on my own even when I am truly in need of help. Even in that situation, I don't want to burden anyone.
But then at night things got worse. I can't sleep at all. Every position is painful for me. So yesterday, I asked my sister a favour to accompany me to the clinic to check on my knee. And so she did.
I've never felt so helpless in my life. Standing on the escalator thinking how my journey will end at the end of the escalator.
For the first time in my life, the escalator seems like it's going in the speed of a bullet train. I almost fall just because my move was too slow for the speed of the escalator. I was lucky my sister was there to grab me. Otherwise, I'll fall again.
The doctor looked at my leg and he told me that he need to refer me to the hospital. We need to get it x-ray. To see what actually is happening to my leg as it is already looking swollen.
So, my sister and i went to the hospital. Get me x-rayed and thank God that nothing much is damaged. It's just inflammation on my knee join. So I was prescribed with some pain killers and something to reduce my swollen knee.
My sister paid for all my medical expenses. I did want to pay her back but she refused it.
SubhanAllah. Talking about limitless love. That's how she is. Always wants to be the one who is giving not receiving.
I know that Allah will take care of her well being in this world and hereafter for her kindness.
To commemorate the first time me being in the hospital and going around in wheelchair, I bought a new friend at the hospital. I named her Candy. She looked like a cotton candy to me. Uber soft and looks yummy. hahaha....
Today is Eidul Adha. But I'm not able to visit my mom's grave as I'm still limping and it will slows everyone down. So, I've decided to stay at home, take my med and have lots of rest.
I miss my mother. Can't visit her, I'll make doa for her from here where I'm at.
Out of sight but not out of mind and heart. She'll live in my heart till end of time.
May Allah grant her jannah without judgement and make it easy for her to make her way there with ease. Amiin.
The man that will ride or die for my mom.
The man that I call dad.
The man that will tell me about me as it is. Never want me to look stupid.
The man who will pick me up when I am at my lowest point.
The man of not much words but will be there for me when i'm in need.
The man who is a role model for me to set a guideline for me in search of my soulmate.
Love is indeed patience at some point.
He is the man who is patient enough to break down the 'wall' that my mom have built around her. Started life together with a rough patch but end it with a really absolutely strong firm ground to stand on. Unbreakable by any obstacles.
I hope I'll find Mr Husband just the way my mom did.
Allah knows best.
I'll walk through life the way He wants it to be.
There's always answers to every issues that's being put on our path. We will walk through it. Everyone walk through the same issues differently. Because we are unique being. Not even a single person in the world is exactly the same.
It's ok to agree to disagree.
All we want is to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how we disagree with each other, we'll still get through it and meet at the beginning of light.
May we meet at the beginning of light.